SUSAN TIPPETT BRAITHWAITE

I’ve always had a nasty habit of swinging from fantasising about the future to dwelling on the past. But, as I’ve been working my way through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron, I’ve found my morning pages full of past reflections… and for the first time in my life, they’ve been helpful. I’d have to say that I’m 50/50 on which one I spend most of my time focusing on.

Past Reflections: A Canvas of ‘Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda’

So, what are morning pages? They’re three pages of long-hand writing each day, as The Artist’s Way prescribes. As mentioned above, mine are filled with the past. Things others had done to me, their restrictions on me, and my conformance and acceptance of those things.

But what I’ve noticed now that I’ve started dealing with some of the traumas of the past is that I’m dwelling on what I coulda, shoulda, woulda done. Not in dealing with those issues, as I had no control over them. But the things I did have control over. A wee example is I’d wanted to take part in Bloganuary last year but chickened out of putting myself out there–and the fear of not being about to keep up with daily posts.

It’s a common theme in my past reflections: fear. I missed out on opportunities because of it. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of ridicule. You get the picture.

The Future: A Realm of Daydreams

Then, my mind runs off into the future–for some reason, while I’m working out, maybe it’s the movement. I call this my fantasyland, a place and time where the books I’ve poured my heart into are out there, loved, and recommended by readers.

This kind of vivid daydream can lead to paralysis because of… you guessed it, perfectionism. But the thing I’ve learnt about perfectionism is that at its very core is fear. The same fears that had held me back in the past.

Turning Reflections and Daydreams into Actions

“The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence; the past is a place of learning, not a place of living.”

Roy T. Bennett

The realisation that past and future fears were screwing up my now was the kick up the arse I needed. I didn’t want to get to this time next year and beat myself up for what I hadn’t done because I was scared. I aim to look back and be proud of myself for taking action and facing my fears.

Living in the past and fantasising about the future has shown me one thing: I’m missing out on the now.

So, I’m always one to learn from my mistakes and mine the silver lining in the darkest things. I decided to take the lessons from the past and apply them to the goals from my visits to Fantasyland.

I’m acknowledging the fear. Pushing past it to write and publish these posts each day. And, while I can’t control the sales of my books, I can strive to craft stories that resonate, hoping they find a home in readers’ hearts. Yes, that’ll take some effort to stop my perfectionism, but by putting myself out there with posts like these, I’m slowly chipping away at that particular flaw.

Does your past influence how you view the future? Do they stop you from focusing on the now? Or, have you mastered them to enjoy life as it’s happening? I’d love to hear from you.