SUSAN TIPPETT BRAITHWAITE

There’s an array of possibilities to the question, ‘What could I do differently?’I could be more realistic in my daily achievements, eat healthier, and reduce stress. But one thing stands out more than all the others: putting myself first.

The Cost of People-Pleasing

For a notorious people-pleaser like myself, even writing about self-prioritisation feels taboo. But the hard truth is that neglecting my own needs in the wake of others’ demands has been pricey. Going without the basic necessities of heat, food, and warm clothing and losing invaluable work hours.

The guilty can often be those closest to us—family and friends. But most frequently, it’s the fair-weather friends who only remember us in their times of need or boredom.

Putting Myself First

The harsh reality I’ve come to accept is this: advocating for myself is not just a choice but a necessity. It’s about standing up for my own needs and ensuring I’m not sidelined in my life’s narrative. I’m not being selfish (<– my current mantra). I’m taking a step towards ensuring my well-being isn’t compromised for others’ convenience.

Balancing Empathy with Self-care

Embracing self-prioritisation doesn’t mean losing empathy or refusing to help others. It’s about striking a balance and understanding that you can be there for others but not at the expense of yourself. It’s about setting boundaries and recognising that your time, health, and happiness are just as important.

The Path Ahead: A New Focus on Self

I’m not saying this is going to be easy. I have zero delusions that it will. But, I am making a conscious effort to ask myself, ‘Does helping/being there for this person negatively impact my well-being?’ along with ‘Would they do the same for me?’

I feel uncomfortable turning my back on people-pleasing, but I think it’s time to please myself. Are you, or have you ever been, a people pleaser? Have you tried/managed to put yourself first? I’d love to hear how you got on or if you’re considering joining me in making a change.