SUSAN TIPPETT BRAITHWAITE

Over the past month, I’ve shared a lot about fear—so much so that I have no hesitation in sharing what I’m most scared to do. A month ago, the thought of doing anything like this was unimaginable, never mind something I’d do so readily.

The Primal and the Personal: My Fear of Expression

Fears like fire, darkness, or drowning are primal, instinctual safeguards. But the fear of ‘doing’ something is deeply personal, often intertwined with the psyche rather than the ego. The ego is an external peacock-type thing to me—all show with no real depth. Whereas the psyche is the inner being, our spirit, our soul. If the ego is harmed, we eventually get over it, as it’s a superficial thing. But the psyche? A wound here is not easily healed and can be paralysing.

Blogging, Sharing, Being Me

I’ve always been terrified of blogging, sharing my writing, and revealing my true self. This fear manifests in my writing style, often fluctuating between robotic and overly enthusiastic, never quite capturing the authentic me or even human ?.

The Roots of My Fear

My fear comes from past experiences. One was an old friend’s sabotage and ridicule, which left deep scars and halted my publishing journey. My mental and emotional clutter post delves deeper into this, but it’s the reason behind an eight-year break from releasing any books.

The other stems from stern warnings from a young age to keep my trap shut about my home life. I tend to take things literally and stopped talking altogether for over a year. The fear of revealing too much paralysed me, making sharing my writing or myself akin to walking through a minefield.

I’d write blog posts and get them all ready to go but never hit publish—the same with novels and novellas. I’d get so far with them, and then fear would talk me out of it. So, how are you reading this?

The Breakthrough with The Artist’s Way

My journey toward overcoming this fear began with The Artist’s Way and delving into the issues that harmed my psyche. Through writing Morning Pages, I found I could write freely without the pressure of an audience. This practice allowed the words to flow naturally, helping untangle the thoughts in my mixter-maxter (Scots for jumbled) brain.

A Sudden Opportunity

Embracing lessons from ‘The Artist’s Way’, especially the encouragement to notice synchronicity and say ‘Yes’ to new things, I found myself headhunted for my skills in AI prompt engineering late last year.

Flattered doesn’t describe how I felt. Think giddy as a puppy with a new squeaky toy, and you’re on the right track. I seriously entertained the opportunity. But the job’s scope expanded as the days went on. I realised that my health would probably suffer due to the long hours. Long hours that also threatened to eclipse my writing entirely.

The Decision Point

As Hogmanay approached, knew I was going to have to make a decision, and soon. Did I want to play with AI and take on the still-expanding parameters of working for this company? Or, did I want to write novels that could bring a smile to someone’s face while they found a mini-break from their day? One would pay, but it would cost me my health and my happiness… the other has zero guarantees of income and still causes pain, but I’d be happy, and maybe some readers would be too.

I didn’t need to ask the ‘Lottery Question’ to know if I’d still work as someone’s prompt engineer if I won the lottery. I’d quit in a heartbeat and then return to writing. With the decision made, I had to face and combat my long-held fear of publishing my words.

Embracing Synchronicity and Bloganuary

On the 1st of January, after publishing a blog post about planning, I stumbled upon Bloganuary. It seemed like a sign from the universe urging me to fully embrace writing.

Daring me.

If I wanted this, really wanted to get over this fear, I had to take part. I had to face my fears head-on. The only way to move on from them is to expose myself and my writing to potential criticism, ridicule, or worse, crickets. Despite my fears, I shared my first post, breaking free from the paralysis fear once had over me.

Overcoming Fear with Each Post

I’m not going to lie and tell you that I’m cured and have no fears about sharing my work. That first day was a nerve-wracking experience. Even today, thirty-one days later, publishing each post is still a nerve-wracking experience. However, it no longer paralyses me.

Courage in Action

My mantra now is to act with courage. Acknowledge the fear, understand its roots, and do it anyway. It’s that simple, and it’s that hard. I’ll keep sharing my words, confronting the fear until it’s just a whisper of its former shout.

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Have you overcome something you were scared to do? Or are you trying to overcome something you’re afraid to do? What did you do? What are you doing to work on it? Share in the comments below—let’s inspire each other to act courageously.

Stay awesome,

Susan x

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